SAYING GOODBYE TO TRUE LOVE

I would suppose that most married couples, like me, are aware that one day either the husband or the wife will become a widow or widower. During our 57 years of marriage, my wife and I never really discussed the emotions that would come with the passing of one of us.

We did, however, walk closely with our parents when they faced that journey. The loss we felt then was what one might expect. We did our best to offer comfort and physical help to the surviving parent. But we didn’t truly understand the emotions of losing a spouse.

We had taken care of the practical matters—purchasing life insurance, writing our wills, establishing end-of-life directives, and naming each other as beneficiaries. We had done all of that years earlier and safely filed the documents away.

But our most important decision was made much earlier in life: I came to understand my need for Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Savior. The same was true for my wife. Knowing that I will be in heaven when I die gives me great comfort as I face the end of my earthly life. I’m also grateful that my wife had placed her trust in Christ at an early age. When her time came, she faced death with the assurance that she would be with her Savior forever.

My wife had several health issues, and during her final three months, they worsened. With each hospital visit, she would rally and return to a measure of normal health. On her last Sunday evening, she experienced shortness of breath and asked me to call an ambulance. She said, “I’m dying, and I don’t want to die at home.” I still hoped she would rally once more and come back home.

But as the week went on, her condition steadily declined. By Wednesday, I believed—yes, she is dying. She remained alert and talkative, and she made one last request: that she not die alone in the dark. We kept her room lights on, and one of our three daughters or I stayed by her side at all times.

By Saturday afternoon, it was clear that the end was near. Our local family gathered around her bedside. We took turns reading Scripture, singing some of her favorite hymns and choruses. At one point, as family members began saying their goodbyes, our third grandchild said hers. My wife responded, “No, it’s not goodbye—it’s ‘I’ll see you later.’” She was still teaching us, even within 90 minutes of her final breath. I was holding her hand when I believe her soul entered heaven.

Yes, there were many tears, but not without hope. One day, we will see her again—if we have each individually placed our faith in Jesus Christ.

There were many responsibilities to take care of. Monday was a blur of necessary arrangements, with our family close by. But Tuesday morning, alone with my thoughts, I entered a deeper emotional space. I thought about all the plans we had made and would never get to carry out. I began to cry, overwhelmed by grief—until…

LIVING ON BORROWED TIME

I remembered something from 9½ years earlier. My wife underwent a 12-hour surgery that was only supposed to take five or six hours. During that time, I prayed for her to survive, but I also prayed that if God chose otherwise, I would still continue in my walk with Him.

Two months later, after her rehabilitation, I brought her home. Every year after that, we called it “another year of borrowed time.” That final summer, we noted that it had been nine full years of borrowed time.

So that Tuesday morning, as I cried and felt sorry for myself, I believe the Holy Spirit reminded me of those extra years we had been given. My tears of sorrow turned to tears of praise and gratitude. So much had happened in that time—our family had grown through weddings and great-grandchildren, and we had traveled and truly enjoyed those golden years together.

That realization softened the sharp edge of my grief. Of course, I missed her terribly, but I had no desire to wish her back to the suffering she had endured. I know she is with her Savior and the believers who went before her.

I found deep comfort in reading God’s Word daily and spending time in prayer. It amazed me how certain Scripture passages spoke exactly to what I needed each day.

Another change came into focus: previously, my wife and I would discuss important decisions and problems together. After prayer, we often found the right path. Without her, I struggled at times—especially with family matters.

HEARING GOD’S VOICE

When COVID hit, I was only a few months into this new journey. Psalm 46:10 became real to me: “Be still and know that I am God.” Suddenly, everything that usually filled our lives—sports, movies, gatherings, even church—was paused.

1 Kings 19:12 tells how God spoke to Elijah not through wind, earthquake, or fire, but in “a still small voice.” I realized that being still allowed me to hear that quiet voice of God. This shaped my prayer life: instead of doing all the talking, I began to pause and listen. Just like a real conversation, prayer became a time of both speaking and receiving—though not in audible words, but quiet impressions and thoughts. In His wisdom, God answers according to His will, even if not always in this lifetime.

Those firsts without my spouse were hard. Within weeks it was Christmas, then our wedding anniversary, and the milestones kept coming. I came to realize how much ongoing prayer new widows and widowers need—not just during the funeral. I found myself reaching out to others to say I was praying for them, now understanding the depth of that need.

I also discovered that friendships changed—something I didn’t expect. It hurt. Sharing a meal, for example, meant there was no longer a couple—just me. Some friends didn’t invite me, perhaps to spare me the pain, or perhaps their own. I eventually learned that inviting two couples over helped—there were other women to talk with, and it eased the awkwardness. Doing things in groups also helped me stay socially connected.

Time does help in the healing process. It’s good to talk about the one you’ve lost, to share memories and use their name. That helps others become more comfortable, and it’s worked well in my family.

Most of all, seek the Lord. He knows your thoughts. His Spirit walks with us every step of the way.